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Love, Daddy
Today my brother and I sat around his kitchen table, scattered about in piles of old papers. As I perused the documents, dating back to the early 1950s, a chalky dust covered my fingers. We sifted through hand written letters, school report cards, government request letters and divorce decrees. We read through condolence messages and funeral programs. The weight of choices rested heavy on my soul. There are always alternating perspectives to life’s most gruesome interpersonal disputes. The great battles between once husband and wife stemmed not just from a day to day mishap, but from the fragmented generational consequences of abandonment, abuse, and fear. What does a daughter do with decades worth of evidence for and against one half of your soul? There are no amends to make, there is no forgiveness to give, there is no hard feeling to dispel. That has already been done. So for today, we just sit with this story, with these heartaches and be; be content that my life is filled with opportunities to grow, be grateful for a mother’s love who provided the courage and fortitude to carry on despite life’s most difficult possible betrayal, be faithful to the Lord Jesus...
Brain Tumor Anniversary
It was a year ago today that Jonny and I took the final steps into the hospital, where our lives would forever be adjusted to that moment, for good or ill. One year ago Jonny’s head was opened and an acoustic neuroma brain tumor removed. One year ago that his severed nerves would be a daily reminder to the life saving and altering course. One year ago that I was reminded poetically and majestically of God’s love for us, individually. One year ago that our path took a winding turn through the gift of ministering, for without others I fear we would not have survived. Since that time I have seen countless miracles. We have received care from at least 30 nurses, two surgeons, one physical therapists, one acupuncturist, two massage therapists, and a functional medicine doctor, and two doctors who specialize in pain management. There have been; 28 acupuncture appointments 40 or so medical massages 10 PT appointments 4 blood draws 1 MRI 10 functional medicine appointments 4 pre-op appointments 5 day hospital stay 4 Surgery follow ups Countless medications and supplements. No flour, no grains, no potatoes, no fruit except blueberries and raspberries, lots of meat, lots...
For Our Time
This week has been monumental and historic. Here is just a taste of this national and international news stories: Planned Parenthood executive is recorded to be selling the remains of human babies for the highest bidder. The United States, along with many other world leaders lifted its sanctions on Iran in a deal to prevent the longtime known terrorist country to making nuclear weapons. Israel’s Prime Minister Netanyahu has been quoted as saying that the Iran deal is a ‘stunning historic mistake.’ Greece narrowly escapes imminent financial ruin with a European union of countries signing a last minute bailout. My heart is heavy listening to the world’s problems, with decisions and destinies transformed by government leaders, not by my own book club or Sunday night family get together attendees. Sin, pride, greed, fear, lust…. they are all forging into the hearts of mankind. God does not ask for me to change the world, but to soften my heart. God does not request that I step up to the plate for the democracy of my country, he simply asks for me to love my neighbor. God does not need me to succor the babies of the world, just to welcome,...
2020 Census, Did you catch the pandemic and the earthquake?
This past week I filled out my family’s data for the 2020 Census. I like the feeling of being counted among my people. There have been days not too long ago that I scoured the handwritten census records from 1940 in New York City, looking for clues about my long lost family. Fancy cursive, in worn-out sepia toned ink and faded paper claimed roughly scratched names, including family members and their ages as a timestamp, a mark of being in the great American passport of belonging. I submitted our 2020 Census electronically. The form was short and clarifyingly complex. Three questions, “Who is in your house?” “How old is everybody?” and, “How are you related? We are a family of six, two parents, four kids, all originally belonging to each other. Isn’t it beautiful that there are all sorts of families out there, some who are under the same roof, but offer a more complex story of being connected. As I hit return on my keyboard, I imagine generations forward that may be interested in the living arrangements of their ancestors (me), looking for a clue of their belonging to us. I didn’t get a chance to report that...
LDS Policy Change: I was born of a gay father and faithful LDS mother.
I was born of a gay father and faithful LDS mother. The great storms of identity development and security were rocked as I learned that my dad died from AIDS when I was just ten. He left the church right after my birth and lived a homosexual life in New York City. I remember confiding in a just a few friends the real origin of my dad’s death, there were layers of shame and fear and loss and sadness. I didn’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable to everyone, but there were a few golden friends who were my lifeline during some hard years. Life moved on and I grew up. It wasn’t until I was married with my own family that I appreciated the vast pain and betrayal that my mother must have felt. It wasn’t until I saw my sweet husband father our children that the profound pain of missing my own father was realized. What I know with every fiber of my being is that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I have felt his love and healing balm on my broken heart. He is infinite and wise. He has already absorbed the pain, the hurt, and...
- Faith
- Garden
- Life Lessons
Emotional Resilience
This presentation was given in Ogden, Utah in February of 2022. Resources...
History in the Making
History in the MakingSeptember 14, 2020 My kids are all at school full time....
2020 Census, Did you catch the pandemic and the earthquake?
This past week I filled out my family’s data for the 2020 Census. I...
Favorite Kind of Labouring Day
As a little girl I loved planting. It was always a favorite day to release...
DIY Garden Grow Boxes
There is something to be said about renewal, the chance to start again....
Following the Light: Lessons From My Garden
Everyday I water my seedlings. They are in their tiniest forms, just peaking...
History in the Making
History in the MakingSeptember 14, 2020 My kids are all at school full time....
Favorite Kind of Labouring Day
As a little girl I loved planting. It was always a favorite day to release...
Flames
We sat under a blanket of stars at Bear Lake. When the lights are all out...
- Family
- Fatherhood
- Motherhood
Flames
We sat under a blanket of stars at Bear Lake. When the lights are all out...
Father’s Day
Dad: Part 1 Tucked away in my treasures is a hand-stitched, silk dress...
Updated Church LBGTQ
Today’s updates to our church’s policy on matters of baptism...
Father’s Day
Dad: Part 1 Tucked away in my treasures is a hand-stitched, silk dress...
Love, Daddy
Today my brother and I sat around his kitchen table, scattered about in...
Men, women. Women, men. Both needed, both loved. The end.
Spencer W. Kimball said, “In his wisdom and mercy, our Father made men and...
Little Girls Running
I walked my daughter to school today. Her small hand firmly grasped mine as...
Mother’s Day: Timeless Gratitude for Life
As I walked sleepily this morning into the kitchen for Mother’s Day,...
Modern Day Slavery
What is the greatest destruction of today’s generation? The tactics...