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“I am a good communicator”
Brennan told me point blank the other night, “Mom, I am a good communicator.” Yes. You are sweetie. And for that I love you. A good communicator, to exclaim your wonder and ability to dress yourself…after church it was spider man hat, buzz light year jammie shirt, pirate pants and cars socks. You communicate that you are a big boy and you can do it yourself. You communicate, “look how colorful and alive I am! Look at me! I live in the moment, based on what makes me happy!” He communicated well to his sister, after an ignorant stomp on her delicate foot, followed by an increasingly wondering stare, a nudge from his mother, he said, “I’m sorry Anna, are you okay? What can I do to make it up to you?” Yes Brennan you are a good communicator. Mom is having surgery tomorrow. Clients are coming in like crazy! House is getting cleaned and laundry is getting done. We have food in the fridge and I am happy. I love my husband, I love my children and most of all I love my God. How blessed am I to be...
read moreOur Scavenger Hunt
Today I worked. Work is going so well. I fell authentic and happy. I am really enjoying the opportunities coming our way. I am so happy and feel more connected to Jonny than I have in a long time. After work, I wanted to go do something with the kids. We created a scavenger hunt of things to look for when we went to go look at the Draper temple grounds. Moroni, check, House of the Lord, check. Windows, check. Flower beds, check. And off we went. We found a front row parking spot, like always. Unloaded the children, that takes a minute. And off we went, with a bag of snacks, a bottle of water, our check lists and a pencil for each child. The spirit of the temple penetrates through the majestic walls of the temple onto the grounds. The children walked into the Lord’s garden with reverence, with excitement, with awe. Moroni was the first item checked on our list. Followed by the pretty flowers, so many colors and styles to see! Stained glass windows, castle like fortress in the walls of the temple, Big shiny doors, representing the value treasure found when walking into the House of the Lord. No fountain was found at this temple, and no sun, moon and stars on the outside. We walked around once, had a snack and then the children wanted to walk around again. I had a quiet moment to teach and to testify of the Lord’s work. We talked about covenants, and temple marriage. We talked about choices and deciding to live worthy to enter the house of the Lord. They did not want to leave. Anna said the temple felt peaceful and it made her feel happy. Brennan wanted to walk around again, so we did. With our stroller, with our snack bag and our checklist, we walked around the majestic fortress again. We sat in front of a group of well manicured, small trees. Maybe standing 8 feet tall. Baby tree sprouts were sticking up at the base of those trees. I asked Anna how those baby trees were like us. She quickly replied. The big tree is like Heavenly Father. We are like the baby trees. We are small now, but someday we can grow up to be just like Heavenly Father is now. For a seven year old, she is wise beyond measure. Her understanding is deeply rooted in gospel principles. I love them so! Moroni, check. Windows, check. Big beautiful doors, check. “House of the Lord” check. Happy peaceful day, check. I am so grateful for quiet moments to teach my children, to anchor them to my testimony. To fortify their belief, so that when the winds come, and the rains howl in their lives, they know that they can find refuge in the walls of the temple of the...
read moreGently wafting bubbles…… June 12th, 2010
I wonder what I will remember about this day. If I could capture this moment, what would I cherish about today in twenty years from now. I wonder if it will be the tiptoeing of my children to come and snuggle in bed with me when they know they are not supposed to, and the delight I have at snuggling all five of us in a single bed. I wonder if it will be the tantrum followed by the joy of working together to clean the house, yes children, you have to clean your rooms. And Brennan exclaiming, “Mom! I want to clean the bathrooms!!” Then there’s the moment when I am checking out at Sam’s Club feeling so grateful and a little bit anxious that I could fill the entire cart with groceries and clothes for my family. What have I done to deserve so much abundance from God? There have been times in my life that I have looked at someone else’s pantry and wishes I had enough money to go to the grocery store without worrying how much I spent on food. I also had a quiet moment when I thought I was going to have a quiet bath, just me and Ally. There’s something about a running bath water that beckons children like the pied piper. Needless to say, I was not alone and it was not quiet and relaxing. But it was most joyous to spend a moment with my hyper and playful children. At one moment this afternoon, I had Ally have some tummy time, enjoying the plush new carpet in Jonny’s office. Her back curled, her toes stretched beckoning her body to straighten like a board. Periodically she would rest her head, putting her nose in the soft carpet, followed by miniature wale to pick her up. And then, she almost rolled over. Almost! EEEk!! Jonny! Look! She’s almost rolling over! No, baby you’re not big enough to roll over! (Mind you I was coaching Anna at this stage to grow up too fast, but with this little munchkin I want to savor and relish in every tiny detail of her existence. I want this fleeting, delicious moment to last forever!) What will I remember about today, the gratitude to my husband for caring for our children so I could sleep in. The joy I feel from loving my husband without guile or expectation, just for joy. I will remember the kind thoughts of Brennan as he pulls products from my own Mary Kay inventory, and wraps up perfume and gives it to me covered in red metallic shred. “Surprise Mom! Open it!!” Then next gift is a set of paper frogs. “Mom! Here they are froggie kisses! I made them Bew-ti-ful!” Although what I did was merely cleaning house, going to the grocery store and putting food away. It was so much more, it was another moment of joy and love with my family. These fleeting moments are like bubbles. Blown in the wind and carried off by Mother Nature, to be enjoyed for just a moment, and then poof! It is gone and replaced by another sweet and gentle...
read moreA new chapter is coming
I went to a baptism today for a cousin of Anna’s. Hailey Vick is a second cousin. She has blonde hair, hopeful blue eyes and a newly adult-tooth smile. Her delicate and beautiful white dress reverently donned her small frame. She stood tall next to her bishop as he introduced her, a daughter of Jason and Holly, and shared her favorite scripture hero and her goals to be more Christlike by being kind to everyone. The spirit witnessed to me, while I corralled and convinced my children to be more Christlike, that they too would soon be taking upon themselves the name of Christ. Are they ready? Will they accept the offer to come unto Jesus? Will they pause from their days activities to remember to pray, remember to thank the Lord for all his goodness? Will they feel gratitude for their blessings… the small things like being able to breath and to walk and to love. Will they look to others as angels sent from God to help them on their path? Will they forgive those that hurt them? Will they feel the cleansing power of the Atonement? Will they feel when they cannot physically accomplish a goal, do they turn to God and plead for strength? Do they know that things they cannot accomplish on their own are possible with God’s strength? Will they remember that I love them? When I am gone, will my memory honor the God that I love so? The light in my children’s eyes when they see me come home from a day’s work, the smile from my baby when I feed her empty tummy. The warmth I feel from my husband, next to me as I lay in bed at night. The sunshine that I can see, and feel and taste. The food the fills my refrigerator, the clothes that I wash in my fancy washing machine. The forgiveness I have felt to those whose choices have hurt me. The love I feel for my ancestors and the desire I have to do good. The opportunity to have a new client, they said yes! The experience and tutoring from God to create and experience goodness for my family. The Lord in his mighty power, has been an mediator to me, standing between the Heavenly Father whom I love and am unworthy to see, and myself, the dust of the earth. How I love Jesus. What is impossible for me, is mighty and wonderful to him. What is hopeless for me, through him is joy. I am so grateful for my imperfection. It reminds me to whom I look for hope. It reminds me that my feeble efforts, though they may be every ounce of hope that I contain, are nothing compared to the greatness and vastness of God. All he wants is all that I can give. Then He, in is infinite goodness calls my name,”Sarah! I am here. I want you to need me. When you do, I’ll be waiting here, for you to ask for my help.” “Sarah! Things are as they should be.” “Sarah, listen.” “Sarah, love him” “Sarah, be still and know that I am God.” These are the whisperings I hear. All he wants is all I can give, no more, no less. And when I...
read moreI thought it was going to rain….
I thought it was going to rain, but it poured!I thought it was going to be sunny, but it warmed!Life is full of ups and downs. But what I knowIs that with God there are no bounds. I look across my life mid throughand wonder without him, what’d I’d do.Life is so good, and grand and fatefulThere’s not a reason to be prideful or hateful. Challenges come, and challenges go.But without God there’s nothing I can’t do mo.
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New Beginnings and Pink Petals
There is something transformative about stepping through the door of opportunity. It requires thought, it requires courage and action. It also requires removing other commitments that either took time, space or energy. I have fully and with commitment, walked through a door. Forever changing the path and outcome of my life. Once, a friend of mine told me about chapters in life. He said that once you move on to a new chapter, there is no going back to the way things once were. I feel such rapturous joy and happiness. I feel hope and opportunity as God has poured his love on my heart and I am no longer willing to make decisions for my responsibilities based on the opinions or expectations of others. I will openly communicate, receive feedback and advise, I will ponder, pray and search for answers. But ultimately I have trust in God, he is my source of happiness and of goodness. He knows the way, he is the way. With Him, all things are possible. I few days ago my blossoming trees out front were in full bloom. These full, pink blossoms burst into a layers of frilly, girly wonder. Three trees and thousands of blossoms permeated the perimeter of my home. For about two weeks, as I passed each day I found such joy and gratitude for my trees. As the days passed, and our snowy spring turned fittingly into a warm season, and then quickly back to cold, the blossoms seemed to linger. And as all things come in and out of peak, they began to let go of their quaking branches. My stretch of lawn became covered with a mountain of pink blossoms. Our cold spring brought with it pink snow. A blanket of girly goodness! Wind picked up and scattered my beautiful pink petals up and down the street. What a joy to spread my love of nature with my friends. If only for a day. On the other hand, we have another pesky problem in our circle… dandelions. Their bounty continues to grow and spread. The thoughtfulness of the wind works its magic as these yellow critters network from one yard to the next. Never ceasing, never ending, spreading their irritation. Oh, those button-like yellow blossoms look cute as my four year old picks and delivers them in bundles, as acts of long-lost chivalry, but I know better. My life and influence on those around me could be that of the beautiful, fragrant pink blossoms. I can give joy, beauty, peace and hope. My happiness and hope spreading and broadening my perimeter with the uncontrollable outside forces. Or I can be like the dandelion. Irritatingly successful at spreading problems, deeply rooted in their commitment to invalidate, frustrate and condemn. Both are subject to mother nature and outside circumstance, both leave a legacy, an impact and a future. Only one is positive. If only for a day. I choose beauty over anger, I choose hope over vanity. I choose pink, fluffy blossoms over the heart of a...
read moreMemory Lane
I am walking down memory lane tonight, as I look upon the journey of our family! How precious is each moment, before another moment is gone, I want to bottle this instant. In another blink, it will be gone and they will be grown. This picture is fro Fall of 2007, Brennan was such a handful! So busy, so curious and so happy. I am grateful for fall! This picture is from an autumn three years earlier, when I was pregnant with Brennan. What a darling little girl! Vibrance and energy was never ending! Baby feet! Oh! How cute is he? Thoughtful, inquisitive and so close to the veil. This was the day after we introduced Brennan to the world in March of 2006. Once a little girl wraps her heart around her Daddy, they are forever entwined. Sleep is ever needed for the newest addition to our family in Spring of 2006. Little Brennan. Its strange seeing him as an infant now, for I know him the way he is today. I can see the sparkle of his personality, only a glimpse here, but forever in my...
read moreGratitude Crossroads
It’s 10:37 pm Saturday night. I can’t believe how tired I am! It has been an emotionally draining week, to say the least. Physically, we have been running all day. I am grateful for my beautiful spring blossoms on my trees outside my house! They make me happy! I am grateful for timeouts, just as much for Mommy as for naughty little kids. It gives me a moment to breathe and calm my senses. I am grateful for a supportive husband. I am grateful for a washing machine that makes the mountain of laundry we need to do surmountable. I am grateful for the Atonement. I am watching people disappear from the truth, slowly, and intentionally. That makes me sad. But I am grateful that I know what I know. I am grateful for thyroid medicine. Wow! What a difference it makes! I am grateful that Jesus loves me, and I am so grateful to the Holy Ghost, for the whisperings of truth and guidance that allow me to know and feel and act, to be courageous in the face of blindness. With God all things are possible. I am grateful for my mom. She endured many great trials, and through it all I know that she loves me. She was always proud to be my mom and did what she needed to, in order to be a great mom. As well, I love my Grandmother. Her kind influence has penetrated my desire for goodness probably more than any other single person. I am grateful for my own children, whom without, I would not know the pain and suffering of death, of which I did not experience, but could only imagine after experiencing birth three times, and longing with all my heart to live to care for and love an innocent, helpless and dependent being. Without them, I am nothing. With them, my love lives on. I am grateful for the ability to write, to love, to experience pain as well as joy. I am grateful for sweet friends, for lots of questions and the ability to probe, to ponder and to pray. For all these things, I say adeu to a week of crossroads. We’ve switched directions, dramatically by the hand of the Lord. With him, all things are...
read moreChanges and Seasons
So here in Utah, its spring. Only the weather comes in like waves of uncertainty. One minute the air is fresh and warm, the sun will heat up your back as you sit and watch your children play at the blossoming park. Then, just in another blink, ferocious black clouds blow across the sky as if they are spitting out vengeance with the passing of winter. They laugh, knowing that their tantalizing tricks will haunt a chill for another afternoon before warmth really belongs to us. One day after another, and the temper tantrums of the weather mellow, like the whispering calm that comes as an antsy child grows into maturity. The season is now in the midst of that change. The change should have happened long ago, for it is May. No really, MMMAAAAYYYY. Not March, but such is life. The blossoms on my trees outside have finally decided to show their pretty face and that makes me happy. Just like the seasons change each year, seasons of life take on a similar feeling. A huge change is taking place for me today, tomorrow, and this week. Often times I feel the sun shining on my choices, like the rays of heaven are beaming directly onto my soul and I feel a fire inside of certainty. At other times, the winds of doubt and despair, rage through my body, forcing my to choose directly between the fear of winter, cold, and lack, or the faith of spring, of growth, acceptance love and beginnings. Yesterday, as I was driving in the car, the sun shone so brightly through the clouds that it pained my longing eyes to look. Energy and light coerced the clouds to part their ways, and the sun’s rays penetrated ethereally to my heart. God is smiling at me. Just as the blossoming of a new chapter of life opens, I appreciate each new flowering tree, and the christening of emerald grass. I appreciate the growth I feel in my life, the connection to nature and the connection to God. For with him all things are...
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