It was a year ago today that Jonny and I took the final steps into the hospital, where our lives would forever be adjusted to that moment, for good or ill. One year ago Jonny’s head was opened and an acoustic neuroma brain tumor removed. One year ago that his severed nerves would be a daily reminder to the life saving and altering course. One year ago that I was reminded poetically and majestically of God’s love for us, individually. One year ago that our path took a winding turn through the gift of ministering, for without others I fear we would not have survived.
Since that time I have seen countless miracles.
We have received care from at least 30 nurses, two surgeons, one physical therapists, one acupuncturist, two massage therapists, and a functional medicine doctor, and two doctors who specialize in pain management.
There have been;
- 28 acupuncture appointments
- 40 or so medical massages
- 10 PT appointments
- 4 blood draws
- 1 MRI
- 10 functional medicine appointments
- 4 pre-op appointments
- 5 day hospital stay
- 4 Surgery follow ups
- Countless medications and supplements.
- No flour, no grains, no potatoes, no fruit except blueberries and raspberries, lots of meat, lots of fat, lots of veggies. Yes, to dark chocolate too!
- Combined loss of 65 pounds between the two of us.
- We received, at least 45 meals from friends and family
- Our lawn was mowed at least 14 times
- Dandelions treated
- Freezer filled twice
- Groceries bought
- Kids cared for and entertained
- Anonymous money dropped off
- Gift baskets delivered
- Gift cards provided
- Secret Santas
- Ministry visits
- Priesthood blessings
- Referrals for doctors
- House renovations & remodel to remove mold
- I am sure I have missed some act of kindness in this list. I know there was more!
Pain will most likely always be part of Jonny’s daily routine in some form or another. Despite that, things are better. Jonny’s aunt RuthAnn remarked just last week that she thinks that the word better is the best word in the English language. Better days and better moments are the prizes we hold onto while enduring grueling transformation of character and soul.
In stark contrast to last year, two weeks post op he made his first walk to our mail box. His head was spinning, he carried a cane for balance. That wiped him out for an entire day. He was on opioids for the first month for acute head pain. When the pain didn’t go away 8 weeks after surgery we began looking for more healing. He slowly added steps to his journeying. After another week he was able to walk to the end of the coldisac. Then another week later to the end of the street. He carried that cane with him for 5 months. Sometimes for balance, and sometimes just for a cue to those around him that he needed space. We visited the pain clinic, and received the diagnoses of occipital neuralgia (chronic and acute pain caused from nerve damage) and found a list of medications and treatments that often left his head reeling and a nauseating slew of side effects. With the help of some family members we found a functional medicine doctor who has been a God send. I love her! She has transformed every angle of our lives with the intent to find short term relief and long term healing. Our bodies are amazing machines!! She has provided a collide-scope of care including diet, environment, exercise and pain management. Jonny has also received weekly medical massage from the most amazing clinic. She was the first to explain WHY people get headaches, including migraines, and how Jonny’s migraine tendency mixed with nerve damage causes him pain, and HOW he can avoid where possible and heal from the nerve pain. Between functional medicine and the massage we are to the point where regular Ibuprofen and Tylenol with a bit of nerve medication and some bi-weekly treatments helps manage his pain levels.
Yesterday Jonny ran 4 miles, and could have gone more.
Last week he was in Bear Lake and stood up easily on a paddle board to ride the tide of summer.
Improvement is daily and ongoing. Life is not always roses. We celebrate the improvement, and rely on grace through the suffering. So much good has come from our trials.
Lessons I have learned this past year:
- God is so good. His power is infinite and he wants to bless us. We must come to Christ to receive of Heavenly Father’s power and glory.
- Angels are real, both heavenly and earthly. Their succor is a lifeline.
- Ministering really is God’s tool here on earth to help sanctify and fortify us to each other
- Receiving is just as important as giving
- Suffering is a catalyst for empathy
- Words are so important, use them kindly and with purpose in lifting
- We have lots and lots of friends, we are loved.
- I am so grateful to be a wife to living husband. I lost my own father at ten to death and at birth to living with me. I am not nieve to the fact that our miracle could have gone differently.
- I know before I came to earth, I knew about this moment in our lives, I was prepared for these challenges. Jonny came prepared to be a companion to me with all sorts of challenges, and those challenges early on prepared me to be his wife through this horrible ordeal.
- I am grateful for the gift of work, and productivity. Often the unrecognized blessings of health are more appreciated at the onslaught of suffering.
- I am so grateful that I have been able to provide, and learned to work at an early age.
- I am grateful for the support of our goodly parents.
- Chronic pain sucks, excuse the language. I have witnessed Jonny’s gritty resolve and emotional heartbreak at his daily experience with pain, depending on the day. He is courageous in the sight of ongoing suffering. He is tenacious in his prescribed health protocol. I am grateful for this example.
- Our pace of life has slowed down to accommodate changes to our family, and that is okay. We can’t do as much, sometimes we leave early, sometimes I come solo. In Jonny’s example to me with moderation, I am learning to listen to my own body, and transform my weaknesses and infirmities into strengths and wellness.
- I am grateful that Jonny was able to baptize our sweet Ally this year, I am grateful for all the work he put in our house to prepare it for my mom’s 70th birthday party this year. I am grateful to have a companion to enjoy business, kids and faith.
One Mormon pioneer who survived the crossing to Utah with the Martin Handcart company boldly stood witness to a group of saints criticizing decisions made on that deadly voyage. He declared, ‘I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about… We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? Not one of that company ever apostatized or left the Church, because everyone of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with him in our extremities.”
While our journey has been absolutely different than the trials and trouble experienced by our early ancestors, Jonny has suffered beyond anything that most of our peers can imagine. For sure we have made mistakes along the way just like the early travelers. I love what this pioneer says, “everyone of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with him in our extremities.” I echo his words of testimony. We indeed have become acutely aware of a loving Father in Heaven and know him because it was by his hand that we were sustained during our suffering.
I have a dear friend who has also experienced health challenges of volcanic proportions. During a women’s Bible study she recently said to me, “I like broken Jenni a lot more than perfect Jenni. Its only through the cracks and breaks that others can see the light of Christ through me.” It would be an understatement to say that Jonny and I both are a lot more broken than we used to be. The rouse of perfection and ideals has been replaced with surviving and healing. In the midst of such suffering we have made and realized dear friends, we have been sheltered from the law of justice when we couldn’t do more to provide what was required to care for our family, we have grown in empathy for those who suffer, we are more quick to act when a prompting for service comes into our hearts. We have come closer as a family, forgiven mistakes more easily, and been more quick to cling and show gratitude when complacency was the status quo.
In the coming days and years, I hope these lessons are remembered. I hope and pray that our children will look in fondness on the years they get to enjoy with their dad, and recognize God’s hand in sparing and preserving his life. I also hope that my character is such that I can continue to call out to my Father in Heaven with as much ferocity as I have, without the compelling need to be humbled by such drastic circumstances.
Romans 13:12
“The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light.”
