Dad: Part 1
Tucked away in my treasures is a hand-stitched, silk dress adorning a custom made doll. First sketched in his art books, and then molded from clay and cast with plaster. The paint, despite being 35+ years old encases a deep smooth shine. As a little girl, this doll stood tall on my bookshelf with a wireframe. She watched from afar as I grew from a toddler as a recipient, to a bride, who tucked the other earthly reminders of her father away as treasures to start a new life. The best part about this gift was the hidden pocket on her breast that held a simple note, “to Sarah with love from Daddy”. It felt like a golden lifeline and a connection from my dad whose tragic life ended too early. His influence on my life has been similar to the hidden note. I have felt his whispers beyond the grave periodically over the last 31 years since he passed. Whispers of healing and hope as I have worked through the complicated circumstances surrounding his life and death. I have felt his connection reading his journals and letters chronically our mirrored love of leaves and people, no matter where we are in the world. I have felt his presence and influence as I watch my own children explore their artistic talents and expression. In his absence, I have come to more fully appreciate the influence of my husband on our children and find peace in the missing parts of my family.
Father’s Day can be challenging for many. I empathize with you. I also feel grateful for so many good men who play the part of a protector, of nurturer, of provider, of best friend and companion.
My passion and encouragement of exploring the beauty and need we have for masculine and feminine rises because in part of my dad’s absence. Maybe the loss is a gift, to know and appreciate the beauty in fatherhood and hold tight the anchors of safety and love that came through divine plan B.
Stitches of love, notes of encouragement, tucked safely in my chest.
Grandpa: Part 2
This photo is my Grandpa David. The opportunity to go up to the Weber is synonymous with his adventuring spirit, abundant belief in our ability to create and be in the present moment. At just seven years old I was invited to make the arduous hike up and back to Fish Lake with him and his dear friend Aaron in a single day, (14ish miles round trip.) It was the hardest thing I had done physically in my life to that point. When we finally made it back to the dirt road, I couldn’t even speak the words of thanks to the person who came to find us and drove us the half-mile home, rather than walking.
Grandpa had an unfailing belief in other people to do good. He just trusted you to show up and give it your best. While he has graduated this life for more than 20 years ago, his influence on my life and the world continues to ripple for good. I hope I can continue to be the kind of businesswoman, mother, and companion that he exemplified in his own life of service to his community and family.
As an adult, I discovered he was famous. His work changed the world. But to a little girl, learning to climb mountains and desperately wanting to feel the strength only a father could provide, he was simply a hero and continues to be even today.
Husband: Part 3
I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I missed as a little girl growing up in a single-parent home until I watched my husband father our children. Pieces of my heart were mended as I watched him diaper, soothe, play with, and mentor our children.
Here are just a few pics from last weekend at our family cabin. Just missing our oldest. There are many more memories etched in my heart. I couldn’t be more grateful for such an incredible companion and example to our kids. Life isn’t easy, and Jonny continues to get up every day and go to work, doing the things that need to get done. He’s a fixer, a learner, and a doer.
Love you, Jonny. Happy Father’s Day!
