November is swiftly coming to a close. Our days are vacillating between brisk cold winds, and unusually warm sunshine. Yesterday we celebrated Thanksgiving, last weekend we celebrated Thanksgiving. What a wonderful opportunity to stop, and reflect.
My gratitude doth overflow. Its not so much about the things, but the people, the miracles, the faith, the journey, the failing and rising that I am grateful for. Out of billions on earth, why am I so blessed to know you? To know Him, the great creator? How is that I have always had access to food, shelter, comfort and peace? How is it that I have been surrounded by family who love me, who laugh with me, who cry with me? My heart is full in realization of my absolute dependence on God for the gifts that have come so freely and so abundantly throughout my life. Today is a day to pause and choose awareness of the simple pleasures of life; cuddling on the couch with my kiddos, whipping up dessert to share with family, a minute to reflect on goodness, and friendly embrace to those I love.
When was the last time that you FELT grateful? The kind of gratitude that upswells inside of your heart.
A few weeks ago I spent a tearful moment by myself in my kitchen. I honestly do not remember all the challenges I was carrying, maybe that is the true power of prayer; giving completely your hardship to the Lord. He then lovingly bears your burden, and wipes your mind’s worries, transforming them into gifts.
Sometimes life is heavy; responsibility requires weight. Elder Bednar, a member of the quorum of the twelve apostles, shared a story in the most recent General Conference. He told of a gentleman who went into a snowy forrest to collect fire wood for his family. His truck became stuck. It wasn’t until the trailer bed was full of wood that he could make the return journey to his family. “It was the load of wood that provided the traction necessary for him to get out of the snow, to get back on the road, and to move forward. It was the load that enabled him to return to his family and his home. Each of us also carries a load. Our individual load is comprised of demands and opportunities, obligations and privileges, afflictions and blessings, and options and constraints. ”
Daily I am leading, guiding, writing, calling, scheduling, paying, cleaning, tutoring, asking, requesting, premising, cooking, kissing, hugging. And then I sleep. The next day I do it again.
On this day my heart felt heavy, I felt inadequate to accomplish the tasks on my list. A night of wakeful children, followed by a heavy work load, and another night of wanting babies, left my body and spirit wanting.
In a humble declaration, I pleaded with the Lord to help carry my burden. Tears fell freely. My admission to myself and to the Lord, of my inadequacy to do it alone, is consistently slow. Sometimes it is easy to push away the Atonement, with the prideful assertion, that after ALL I CAN DO, then the Lord will kick in for me. Yet, I think that I am not doing enough to merit help yet, that I haven’t done enough.
Grief, sorrow, fatigue, happiness, relief, pleading…. all of these tender moments gave way to tears and I humbly request help from heaven….in a blink, through prayer, my burden shifted to gratitude.
It wasn’t a conscious decision, it was a gift.
Rather than seeing my lack, my getting to it, my almost there, my deadlines, my, “I tried my best, but,” my mismatched socks, my fatigue……
My eyes were opened to my miracles. In a moment flashed the recognition of my great abundant blessings; my gifts, my opportunities, my family, my knowledge, my health, my heritage, my ancestors, my strength, my story.
Again my tears fell. This time in a spirit of gratitude, rather than lack. The most profound lesson for me in this experience, is that I walked away refreshed, lifted and energized. My circumstances did not change, my responsibilities did not shift. The sweet gift of the Atonement made whole my weakness, and gave me strength to face the day.
Out of all of the billions and billions of Heavenly Father’s children who have resided on this earth, why am I so blessed to own more than one pair of shoes? Why was my existence celebrated in the great nation of America? How was I so privileged to be born in raised in the covenant of the temple? Why was I given the blessing of an angel mother, and an ancestory of faith? What merited the great blessing of being married to a loyal and funny companion, one who carries with me the burdens and blessings of adulthood? Why am I so fortunate to be mother to four beautiful children?
Some gifts of this life require hard work, many of the most profound rewards insist on daily actions for promised blessings. And yet, in my life, so freely has the Lord shared with me, despite my shortcomings, my mistakes and my weakness. I have been strengthened in the face of challenges, and I have treasures worth more than all the gold of the earth.
Elder Bednar shares, “The unique burdens in each of our lives help us to rely upon the merits, mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah (see 2 Nephi 2:8). I testify and promise the Savior will help us to bear up our burdens with ease (see Mosiah 24:15). As we are yoked with Him through sacred covenants and receive the enabling power of His Atonement in our lives, we increasingly will seek to understand and live according to His will. We also will pray for the strength to learn from, change, or accept our circumstances rather than praying relentlessly for God to change our circumstances according to our will. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:14). We will be blessed with spiritual traction.”
In closing this gratitude season, my heart is full. My life is far from perfect. I am ions from perfect. And yet, I am blessed with burdens to carry, with people to love, with life to live.
