I recently finished reading Brene Brown’s book, “The Gifts of Imperfection.” I had never heard of Brene’s work until about two months ago. Since that time I have been flooded with recommendations, quotes here and there, and mentions of her name.
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
– Brene Brown,The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
I have been profoundly awakened to the fact that the fears I have about my own inadequacies and weaknesses are a mere reflection to the experience of humanity. The reason I have finally chosen to make this blog public, rather than silently keeping my life’s memories and thoughts, was to show courage and my own vulnerability in hopes to deepen connections, and share goodness. Rather than squander my life and stories, I am now choosing to open up my heart to those who also seek, imperfectly, to embrace and enjoy the light of God with their ordinary days.
Is there a time in your life that you felt vulnerable? The feeling, that your raw, most prized and heartfelt work was laid out for the world to see?
Worried that it wasn’t good enough? Or worse yet, that some one would mock your belief, your treasure, your willingness to try? I have felt these feelings powerfully.
- I have felt this sense of vulnerability intensely in the past several years, as the momentum of our community has shifted from prizing traditional conservative, family values, to accepting, embracing and celebrating alternative lifestyle living. My own life experience give me an unique perspective of the reality of alternative lifestyle choices. And yet to vocalize my opinion leaves my, sometimes raw emotions, on the chopping block for others to scrutinize and to make an example of.
- I have felt vulnerable at times in sharing my belief in God the Eternal Father, and in his Son Jesus Christ. I am not ashamed of the testimony of my Lord (2 Timothy) but to share gives way to criticism in this world, and so until now, I have shared privately, to my family, to my close friends my most tender feelings of faith.
- I have felt vulnerable when I am striving diligently to provide for my family, present my family, care for their needs, clean my house, and live in such a way that is presentable… and oh, how I fall short at times. That time I dropped my daughter off to preschool in my “work out clothes,” yeah, that’s what I wore to bed. Or that time when I am sitting in church and I notice that my eight year old son is wearing two left shoes, both black, of totally different styles. One is a slip on, the other is a tie on. That time when munchkin wore white tennis shoes to church, with rainbow striped socks (at least they were matching,) underneath her black and silver sparkly dress. And that other time when we picked up the four year old from school 15 minutes late, she was crying because she thought I had forgotten her.
Oh no, child, I could not ever forget you. Your life is engrained in the stretchmarks on my belly. Your sparkling eyes are endeared to my heart. Your bright and cheerful countenance offers empathy and compassion to my rushed and hurried life. I love you dear Allyson, I could never forget you. I am just imperfect. I am just limited. In my own imperfections, my prayer is that you will learn to appreciate and embrace your own. And, I am sorry that I was late, I will do better tomorrow.
When I was a little girl, I had only a handful of face to face encounters with my dad.
Because of strenuous circumstances he chose to live in New York most of the time. He came to Salt Lake and lived here for a season when I was about five. Besides helping host an amazing birthday party, including making my requested cake of bubble gum ice cream, chocolate cake, pound cake and two kinds of frosting, (it was even too sweet for me,) we had several afternoon play dates.
At the time we had a record player in our living room. Our robust collection included the great works of disco Grover, and my personal favorite the music from the movie, “Annie.” (I am sure my mom had other music, I just didn’t catalog those in my brain.) One of my most favorite memories with my dad is of us singing and dancing to the song, “Tomorrow.” I closed my eyes and opened wide my arms, twirling around and around singing as loud as I could,
“The sun’ll come out, tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar, that tomorrow
There’ll be sun!
Just thinking about, tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs, and the sorrow
‘Til there’s none!
When I’m stuck in a day
That’s gray and lonely
I just stick out my chin
And grin and say
The sun’ll come out, tomorrow
So you gotta hang on ’til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow
You’re always a day away
When I’m stuck in a day
That’s gray and lonely
I just stick out my chin
And grin and say
The sun’ll come out, tomorrow
So you gotta hang on ’til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow
You’re always a day away
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow
You’re always a day, away…”
In all my imperfection, and through all the vulnerability that I share, my greatest hope is to embrace the opportunity of today, knowing with faith that I can continue to improve and stretch. Opening my heart to vulnerability, sharing my life stories, connecting to others brings the prospect of pain, but also of opportunity and connection.
Brene Brown shares so eloquently when she wrote, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brene Brown
Today I am striving to do what makes me uncomfortable, to stretch past my own feelings of inadequacy and embrace the opportunity find connection and love with those I am blessed to come into contact.
