Today’s updates to our church’s policy on matters of baptism and blessings and marriage in the LGBTQ/Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints brings me joy and peace. What once was black and white in my mind and heart is now a garden full of compassion, love, empathy, and strength. I’m sharing what I wrote about the original policy back in 2015. I love my fellow humans. I am grateful to be a traveler on the adventure of life, with all of its ups and downs. You matter. You are loved. You are welcome in my congregation and in my circle of friendship.
“I was born of a gay father and faithful LDS mother. The great storms of identity development and security were rocked as I learned that my dad died from AIDS when I was just ten. He left the church right after my birth and lived a homosexual life in New York City. I remember confiding in a just a few friends the real origin of my dad’s death, there were layers of shame and fear and loss and sadness. I didn’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable to everyone, but there were a few golden friends who were my lifeline during some hard years. Life moved on and I grew up. It wasn’t until I was married with my own family that I appreciated the vast pain and betrayal that my mother must have felt. It wasn’t until I saw my sweet husband father our children that the profound pain of missing my own father was realized.
What I know with every fiber of my being is that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I have felt his love and healing balm on my broken heart. He is infinite and wise. He has already absorbed the pain, the hurt, and the challenges of my life. My heart is forever anchored to him.
Two, Trevor Southey taught me a sweet lesson, “There is bad in the best of us and good in the worst of us, the best we can do is to not judge one another.” And, “the most important religion of our times is that of kindness.”
Third, I sustain our prophet, Thomas S. Monson. He was s a good friend of my grandma Joy’s. One by one he took each one of her great-grandchildren at her funeral on his knee for a handshake and a photo. He is a servant of God, a wise and kind man. Many of God’s followers have been required a heavy toll of faith. I do not believe that the trial of our faith will be rewarded with a meager offering, we are asked to bring a broken heart and a contrite spirit. For many in the church, there is no sacrifice for obedience and faith in following the new policies. For others today there is a heavy price. I empathize and pray for/ with you.
Let us show a little more kindness, to the teen struggling with SSA, to the wife/husband whose marriage just died, to the children who aren’t sure what all this means, to the faithful followers, to the leaders of the LGBT community, and to the leaders of the church. There are no simple answers for a struggle that is so profoundly contradicting. The only answer for me is to show more kindness.
Grandma Joy was kneeling in the flower bed, crying more than weeding. My mom – her daughter’s marriage was falling apart because, in part, my dad was gay. My dad came and gave her a hug. With a phrase that is notoriously Grandma, she said, “It is all going to be alright.”
And it is.”
